You know what, whilst this is one of those “yeah but, think about what women face every day” things, there is still a fair degree of this.
I can think of literally one person who has ever called me handsome in a way that felt genuine, not even the girl I believe I loved, the best she could manage was “you aren’t so bad yourself”
Such is life.
Just gonna throw this out there, being checked out/whistled at/etc. by random strangers does NOT make me feel pretty it makes me feel objectified and afraid for my safety.
I know, I can’t understand how that must be, but there is still that visibility. All most guys have to inform how they feel about themselves is their own body image is their self doubt and the media telling us that we are fat/weak/pathetic.
I don’t wanna get all “men’s rights” because seriously, fuck that, but any girl I’ve dated has been told honest positive things about her appearance, and in return has sort of mumbled at me, or told me she isn’t pretty. I’ve not had spontaneous compliments, and to be honest, I don’t imagine it happening in the future.
Its just one of those things.
For what it’s worth, I honestly think you’re adorable!
And I also want to point out that even if a guy isn’t attractive he still is told by our culture that he can be successful at anything, but for women we are told that beauty is EVERYTHING.
Off the top of your head name 10 male celebrities that aren’t traditionally attractive (Danny Divito, Jason Alexander, Mailyn Manson, etc.) and then try to name 10 female ones.
Not trying to say your feeling is invalid, just you’re treading dangerous territory there be careful. :P
No, we’re not. I would very much lik eto see how two card-carrying feminist guys saying “You know what? Girls get told they are beautiful all the time. Maybe it’s our turn?” is “dangerous ground”. Sit down and name, without even looking, a single ad campaign for men (Besides Jacamo) that says “You know what, you actually have the capacity to look good”. We get the “GUYS ARE LAZY AND FAT LOLOL” beer ads, yeah, so we can think how i’s okay for us to not be attractive, but not a single piece of media is out there saying “You know what? It’s actually okay to not look like Chris Hemsworth, and you can be found attractive however you look”. Men’s fitness magazines for men aren’t “Stay healthy, look and feel great” they’re “Stay healthy, spend 2 hours in the gym a day doing one exercise to get abs like Gerard Butler, look great, feel great”.
Seriously, if you’re pointing at me saying i’m on dangerous ground for being a guy who’s not okay with constantly being bombarded with “Lol overweight guys are fat and funny/normal guys are all disgusting/OH LOOK AT THAT SKINNY BOY’S HIPS OH THEY’RE SO SEXY”, then you can go and fuck yourself.
I’m not saying women don’t have it harder, you do. Yeah, it’s not awesome having cunts wolf whistling you etc. But how many times have you ever dressed up and had someone say “You look lovely”? Now can we look at myself and Wil? Wil? Once? Twice? Probably by a relative?
I’m not saying negative attention is good, i’m saying there’s also a lot of positive attention given to female appearances that just isn’t there for us normal guys who don’t pose pretty for the webcam.
And next time you think calling someone over the age of 7 adorable is a compliment, you might want to take a look. You might be on dangerous ground.
none of the things you listed are unique to guys. Being unattractive is not something only men experience. I can’t name an ad campaign that does that, you’re right! Can you name one that does that for women? You need to stop making this a “man” problem. Sure, feel free to bemoan the fact that it happens to you as a person but making this about men vs. women is uncomfortably close to saying that what you are experiencing is worse than what I do. And that is not what I think you mean to say, since you say you’re a feminist! But “carrying the card” does not mean you can get away with saying anything. I’m not trying to argue with you that you experience this. Also I call my boyfriend adorable all the time. I’m more attracted to guys I would describe as “cute” or “adorable” than I am to “hunky” guys with a six-pack. Do you want me to tell people they look like Brad Pitt when they don’t? I’m giving my friend an honest compliment and I don’t know you so you can fuck off with commenting on my personal interactions.
OKay, let’s pull this back a notch. I’m sorry, I really am, but I’ve never had anybody use the word “adorable” with regard to myself without it having nasty patronising connotations, so I wholehearted offer a personal apology there. I’m certainly not saying women have it easier - you don’t. There are a myriad of other issues that you face that I don’t. And, that is something that makes me sick to my stomach. Nobody should be made to feel any way they don’t want to, be it threatened, drooled over/whatever, for ANY reason, be it sex, race, whatever.
I believe I have worded this in a horrible, horrible way. What I’m trying to say (hopefully I won’t make myself look like a cunt this time) is that I think we should live in a world where we are ALL made to feel great. As the world changes (as it should) the hateful attitude to “masculinity” is a shameful hanger-on. You hear it all the time “Man up” “Dude, that’s gay”, even in the simple disgusted glances from a passer by when I playfully gave a dear (male) friend of mine a watery look. Men are expected to hold to this masculine ideal, we don’t need to be told we’re attractive, we are, we’re men, all women should fall to our feet (an attitude i am more than sure you have come in contact with). A side-effect of the fact that there are guys who know we don’t have a right to a woman’s affection is that there’s a real push for guys to look good that there just wasn’t before. Society is unprepared for this, guys are expected to not give a fuck how they look. I’ve had my best friend actually laugh in my face, and brush it off as “Well, that doesn’t matter” when I told her she had only ever once said I’d looked good in something. She claimed to have thought it “loads of times”, but literally only ever had told me once.
All I, and this post, are saying is that if we look good, and you think so, tell us.
You might do this already (I believe you do, as you have already mentioned), and that’s great. But the fact of the matter is that society at large does not, and as a guy who literally has no idea if he’s good looking (therefore being the owner of some pretty rad confused self-esteem), it’s a bit crap. As women are fighting to take what is their human right, some men are beginning to explore a world outside the traditional gender norm, and this is actually something society is not quite ready for.
What I should have said is “Please be aware that this is an issue, too - though not as crushing as women’s it is still one to consider”
The fight for feminism is not just a fight for women’s rights, it has far reaching connontations throughout the…. um… gender…verse?
But yeah, I’m sure you already know all this, but I’m really just trying to detail to you what I was really trying to say, and I’m really sorry that in my anger I was a massive cuntbag.